August 30, 2006

If you make the Most High your dwelling – even the Lord Who is my refuge- then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways…

I am back in DC and spent much of the day at the hospital cradling dear little Sebastian in my arms. Taylor and I rode in a van with Sebastian and his nurse to meet Rob at Children’s Hospital to have new casts put on his little legs. Most likely tomorrow they will put new splints on his tiny hands. Today we were told it seems he has a little pneumonia in one lung so they have begun him on antibiotics. He remains on several medications, as well as oxygen and the feeding tube.

As he lay on the big table at Children’s Hospital and four medical people and his parents and I observed, we saw a most calm tiny bright eyed Little One, undisturbed by the bright lights and the taping of his legs. Maybe it was that he has grown accustomed to such. Maybe it was his Mommy holding his hand and his Daddy holding his hand gently on his little head. Maybe it was C.C.’s and others prayers.

Maybe it was His angels guarding him in all his ways….once again.

Please continue your prayers of thanks and protections to our loving Lord, our Most High, our refuge.

This is a pic taken today of precious little Sebastian for whom you are praying.

He has ear and eye checks this upcoming week, as well as a doc appointment about his legs. As you can see he is still on oxygen and has a feeding tube in his nose.

But look at those eyes! Praise the Lord!

They cried to You and were saved; in You they trusted and were not disappointed

He tends His flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart.

Sebastian was one month old yesterday and we are so thankful to our merciful Lord for this precious Little One!

At the family meeting today, Rob and Taylor learned Sebastian will be in the hospital another four to six weeks. His little lungs are progressing as if he were born at 24 weeks instead of 33 weeks.

His leg became swollen yesterday so they have removed his casts and now will wait until the sore on his foot heels before they can be replaced. They have another meeting scheduled for August 30 in which they will find out more about his little legs but for now they are making new splints for his hands and legs.

Please continue your prayers for Rob, Taylor, Luke and especially tiny Sebastian.

I read yesterday the verse about an angel appearing to strengthen Christ before He went to the cross. It is so reassuring and encouraging to be reminded that our loving Father is always there for us no matter how intense the trial may be.

Please thank God for His angels He sends to His people, as well as for the truth that He gathers the lambs and carries them close to His heart. Pray He will continue to bless Little One in every way, protecting him from Satan and danger and physical emotional spiritual and mental harm.

Thanks once more to each of you who came to the prayer service for Sebastian, as well as to each of you who so faithfully continue to pray to our loving Lord for him.

Please pray for all aspects of the first family meeting which will be held this Thursday morning. Please pray for God’s wisdom for each person who has a role in this meeting and that Sebastian’s best interests will be served in every way. Please pray for him to be healthy in every sense of the word…for his lungs, for his eating, for every part of his little body and mind to develop and function perfectly.

Please pray for our omnipotent God’s continuing protections for this precious Little One…that he will be kept safe from Satan and danger, from physical, emotional, spiritual and mental harm.

Please continue to thank our merciful God for His blessings in Sebastian’s life and in each of our lives.

From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another….

As you may know by now I write little stories most Thursdays…below is the one from last Thursday

The Miracle of Sebastian
August 17, 2006

“…you seek Me , not because ye saw miracles, but because ye did eat of the loaves and were filled. Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which the Son of God shall give unto you….”John 6:26

On March 9, 2006, Rob called to tell me Taylor was pregnant and simultaneously he told me of the serious problems with the pregnancy. There was little to no amniotic fluid, essential for lung development. There may be no kidneys. The disbelief and the hope hit me simultaneously.

Five months is not a long time in the grand scheme of things, but these past five months at this moment seem a very long time. Most of it I spent in DC or Baltimore trying to be Taylor, an impossible task. She was in bed for months and I tried to do many of her chores.

From the very beginning God gave me a verse, “They cried to You and were saved; in You they trusted and were not disappointed.”

I clung to that verse, that promise, that reminder of His unfailing faithfulness these sixty years of my life.

But the storms were not to let up. We were told heart breaking stories about what this birthing would be like, all that would go wrong. Over and over the news was seldom good.

The hours and the days passed. One remedy after another was attempted. Innumerable phone calls to experts. Innumerable emails from others who had experienced similar situations. Innumerable internet searches and phone calls for experimental things being done in a situation like this. Travel to NYC and to Baltimore to correct this suggested by experts fatal for Little One situation.

Persevering parents and others who kept seeking ways to make this wrong right were held up by our omnipotent Lord.

And life went on as best it could in view of the unknown that could unfold at any moment. Memorial Day in DC with all the cousins and aunts and uncles and me and Mick in May was followed by June and Taylor’s birthday and Rob’s Father’s Day celebrations at the Four Seasons. Then July and Rob and 20 month old Luke held a fireworks display to the second floor bedroom window where Taylor lay. And her room was constantly filled with flowers. And Rob planted and tended the garden paradise he and God had created in their yard.

And they marched on. He would go to work. And she would work from bed. And I would get groceries and take Luke to the doc for checkups and do laundry.
And little was said about Little One who was constantly on our hearts and our minds and in our prayers.

Special diet and tons of water and bed rest for months and humor and church and books and movies and phone calls and rushing to the hospital over and over.

And prayer. Prayers from innumerable people to our omnipotent and merciful and loving Lord that He would have mercy and save Little One.

Such was life for a very long time.

Sometimes it seemed as though all was lost. One night in June around ten while Rob was out of town, Taylor and I rushed the hour drive to the hospital in Baltimore. I had spoken with her doc, who said they would probably take Little One. Taylor and one of the priests at her church were on the phone praying much of the long, quiet, dark drive there.

When we arrived at the hospital, we were taken to a hospital room. They were going to take Little One. They explained the procedure.

We knew it was too soon.

Even with the unbearable and unending words from the doc to Taylor as she lay in that bed without her husband at her side, the Lord gave me hope as I sat quietly and prayerfully in the chair in the corner of her room.

In time Rob was on the speaker of my cell phone. He heard some of the plan. He told the docs to wait until he returned. He tried to get flights but could not get in until around noon . They would wait as long as Taylor was not in danger.

Rob arrived with Luke and Luke and I left the room. Awful moments ensued that day. I stayed with Luke at the hospital and talked with loved ones on the phone who prayed through that time with me.

At one point the four of us were all standing in the hall, because a nurse decided not to let Luke return to the hospital room. There we were. Taylor in her hospital gown, me and Luke, Rob all standing in this hospital hall discussing whether to stay or to leave all knowing the implications of that decision.

It was an almost unbearable time. Luke and I left them. Prayers continued. Heartache continued.

Then Rob called. We are going home.

Our Lord’s hand moving.

In time the truth began to dawn on each of us. There was nothing to be done. The essential life giving waters seemed not to be there. They seemed not to remain no matter what was tried. This was not to be of man’s doing. This would be our almighty God’s doing.

Experts continued to tell us what to expect. My heart was heavy but God kept my hope steadfast. My merciful and loving dear Lord never had me lose hope.

But everyday, every moment He held me up by His hand. He gave me Scripture. He gave me dear family support and help unlike any I have ever experienced. He had loving friends call or send encouraging, hope-filled emails. We found our faith was encouraging others.

Then one night they rushed to the hospital once more and it was decided Taylor would remain.

I returned to DC that Saturday and about 11pm that night and Rob called and said it is time.

I drove in the rain to Baltimore, praying and calling on others for prayer. I arrived around the same time Rob and sleeping Luke did from the hotel. Rob left to be with his wife. Luke slept and I lay with him in his mommy’s hospital room praying and waiting and keeping others updated and seeking their prayer and seeking my Lord.

By 2AM Rob text messaged me saying Little One is being born right now.

The moments and hours that followed are still too overwhelming to think much about…..so for sure not to yet be written about.

All I can say is Rob came into the room where his sleeping eldest son and I were and said……….he came out crying, he is pink not blue.

Our Lord performed a miracle. I have walked though a miracle. I have held a miracle.

Weeks before dear Sebastian was born and about the same time the truth of what He was doing hit us all, the Lord gave me a verse that I wrote on a post it and carried around attached to my cell phone…

Then they will know that I am the Lord.

I am humbled beyond belief.

I am changed forever.

Sebastian was moved today to HSC Pediatric Center in Washington DC and seems to be adjusting fine. Please thank our loving God for a good and safe transfer.

Please pray that those who assess him will have God’s wisdom knowing what steps to take and how long he should be there. Please pray that every aspect of his care will be perfect and that our merciful Lord will continue to protect him each moment from Satan, danger, physical, emotional, spiritual and mental harm. Please pray He will continue to command His angels of protection around dear little Sebastian, that he will grow in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.

Please pray for peace and wisdom for Rob and Taylor and Luke as they adjust to this new phase. Pray for all of us to have God’s spirit of unity.

Many days I send out a verse and brief prayer to a group of people. Yesterday’s verse was particularly appropriate for me in many ways because I was not yet ready for Little One to be moved from the protective and loving environment in which he has been.

….we and the people there pleaded with Paul not to go up to Jerusalem. Then Paul answered, "Why are you weeping and breaking my heart? I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus." Acts 21:13

Note from Matthew Henry....”In the turning of the hearts of our friends or ministers, this way or that way (and it may be quite another way than we would wish) we should eye the hand of God and submit to that.”

Lord, please help all Your people, including my loved ones and me, to seek Your will first for those we love as well as ourselves, even when circumstances may not be as we wish. In your Name Amen

It is Wednesday about 8PM and I just talked with Taylor.

Sebastian will probably be moved to a step down unit in DC either today, tomorrow or Friday. Please pray for every aspect of that move to go perfectly. Traffic between Baltimore and DC can be awful or wonderful. Every detail of his oxygen, his care in the ambulance, his feeding, his dealing with the change, leaving his current situation and having new docs and nurses…whatever God leads you to pray about, please do.

Please pray for our omnipotent Lord’s hand of protection to remain with Little One.

Please also continue to thank our merciful and loving Lord for His miracle of Sebastian.

We do hope you can join us for the prayer service for Sebastian this Sunday at 2PC at 5pm.

They cried to You and were saved; in You they trusted and were not disappointed.

PRAYER TIME Second Pres Prayer room 4055 Poplar Avenue Memphis TN 5PM August 20, 2006…
Please email me at
susani97@midsouth.rr.com
if you can come.

(If you have not read last night’s blog, please do so….thanks)

From the beginning of this journey our merciful and loving God has given this verse from Psalm 22:5

They cried to You and were saved; in You they trusted and were not disappointed.

Then after a few weeks He gave me another verse that He had me know I would one day pray and claim. I have had it written in the front of my prayer journal for months….

It is Isaiah 25:9 Surely this is our God…we trusted in Him and He saved us.

Our omnipotent God has made it so clear that Sebastian’s birth is His doing. Docs at Johns Hopkins were ready to take him months ago. We tried everything we were told. Docs at NYU tried their procedure. NICU docs and others still said he would not live.

Only a few held out hope.

Over and over we heard, amniotic fluid is essential for lung development. There is no measurable fluid. He cannot live.

But on the Saturday that Taylor went into labor our loving Lord gave me this verse:

Ezekiel 47:11 ……….. the water from the sanctuary flows to them….

I have taken many seminary classes and I know there is huge danger in taking verses out of context, but I had chills over my entire body when I read that verse. I knew my God and King was speaking to me, reassuring me that He would provide the water that would be needed for these tiny lungs.

Then within hours these lungs…… that would not be there…. this baby who could not cry…this Little One cried……….

So please come join us in spirit or in body because

Surely this is our God…we trusted in Him and He saved us.

It is Monday night and I am home. Daddy’s 88th was wonderful and his 82 year old brother who has the same birth date flew in from TX and they along with their 86 year old sister and my Mom and my aunt and me and my hub were all together Saturday night.

I have prayed many times that Sebastian would have a good long full life, maybe even live as long as my Daddy. He is now 3 weeks old!

Please praise the Lord for His continuing protections and mercies and love for precious Sebastian as big steps are about to take place.

Please pray that the casts on his legs may only need to be changed once more and that his legs will be fine. Please pray that he will continue to be able to eat from a bottle- he did very well today in his one feeding, but he still gets most nutrition from a tube into his little tummy. Please pray his lungs will develop and be healthy-he is still on oxygen and his saturation levels vary.

The docs hope to move him by ambulance this week to another hospital and out of intensive care. This is a big step. Please pray it will only happen if this is best for Sebastian and that he continues to be protected from Satan and danger and physical, emotional and mental harm.

It is so difficult to explain how little dear Sebastian has changed our lives forever. He has been through more than all of us put together and yet is so very tiny. I cannot describe to you the anguish I have seen on his little face….the bruises and injuries to his fragile body.

But our Lord’s touch in his little life and tiny body has touched our lives forever…. leaving us without words or even thoughts…..just so very humbled and so very thankful….…..in a way which once again makes me want to echo words of the hymn we sang at church yesterday….

“Let all mortal flesh keep silent………..ponder nothing earthly minded”

They cried to You and were saved; in You they trusted and were not disappointed.

August 11, 2006
Leaving DC

Yesterday terrorists were arrested in Britain and I am now sitting at the DC airport. Security is tight! There are no empty seats where I am sitting. I just went through a weird new security machine that you step into and it blows air at you in different little pockets. I wonder if that is what it was like when Scotty was beamed up.

I returned to Baltimore from NC last night after a wonderful visit with our son and his family settling into their new home and a then brief visit with my sister who lives in a nearby town.

I ate dinner with Luke and his mommy and her parents. Then I went to the hospital and stayed for the night. As I held Little Sebastian this morning, I knew I was holding a miracle. The feelings that transpired between us are indescribable. How does a grandmother express the love she has for her grandchildren?

How do I express the love I have for Sebastian? His hands are in splints much of the time now, but his hands were free this morning so his little fingers wrapped around my pointer finger. He was receiving mommy’s milk through a tube that leads down his throat into his tummy. His eyes were opened much of the time and we just gazed into each other’s eyes.

I knew the time was coming when I must leave and drive to DC and meet Rob so he could take me to the airport to catch my flight. I softly stroked Little One’s blonde hair and spoke gentle grandma things to him.

The tears were difficult to hold back……..they still are as I sit in this crowded, security filled airport….

I hugged Sebastian’s daddy goodbye and got out of his car….. my body has entered another world, the world most of you have been in….

Yesterday we received word Sebastian will be moved to a step down unit at another hospital. The hope is he will no longer require NICU by next week. Decisions must be made about what is best for him.

Please continue to praise our Lord for all he has done and continues to do, as well as praying for His continued protections and wisdom as decisions are made…

I have not been home in almost six weeks and even then for only a few days…I have been in DC or Baltimore most of the time since before Easter. My three year old grandson at home called me three times yesterday to tell me it is only one more day! Today is my Dad’s 88th birthday………

The verse our loving and merciful God gave me way back on March 9 to be my hope through all of this…..

They cried to You and were saved; in You they trusted and were not disappointed

Before I left Baltimore yesterday to meet Rob’s brother and his family in NC and to wait for the moving van, I held Little Sebastian to close to me in his NICU room. His head is so small it fits in the palm of my hand. I sang to him…..he yawned…..I laughed. Love has blossomed.

He is now in a bassinet. Attached to it is a verse from Zephaniah that Liz wanted read to him about how God will quiet him with His love and rejoice over him with singing. Attached also is a circle drawing from his three year old cousin Nathan and a sticker art work from his brother.

He is still on oxygen and is being fed from a feeding tube. He has little casts on both legs. He has lots of monitors hooked up to him.

But he has lots of love too…..especially from our most gracious Lord Who has held him in the palm of His hand and blessed and protected him.

Rob spent last night in DC, Taylor’s parents and Luke are with her and Sebastian in Baltimore. I plan to return to Baltimore Thursday and then home on Friday for my Dad’s 88th birthday.

Yesterday as I was driving to NC, I was overwhelmed with tears and gratitude to God for the miracle of Sebastian….I have been touched to the core of my being…probably changed forever, as many have said they have been by this miracle.

I felt God asking if I felt as overwhelmed, as touched, as changed by the miracle of His Son.

Please continue your prayers of thanks and protection for precious Sebastian…your prayers of thanks for our Lord and His unfailing love and unending mercies.

Blessed is she who has believed what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.

This morning I went to see our precious little Sebastian. All four of his fingers wrap around the first joint of my pointer finger. His head is about the size of my palm. His 21 month old brother Luke’s four fingers wrap around my first two joints and their daddy’s four fingers wrap around the length of my entire finger.

I have held each of those three hands many times.

Today when I entered the room Melanie, the nurse who yesterday got a sad face sticker because she complained when she was not allowed to be Sebastian’s nurse for the day, asked me I wanted to hold my grandson.

I put on the yellow gown and sat down. She arranged all the tubes and hoses.

Then she handed this little bundle to me.

And for the first time I held this precious gift from the Lord.

His tiny fingers wrapped around the first joint of my pointer finger.

After an indescribable hour, I floated out of the NICU and out of the hospital.

I called Mick. I told him about my holding Sebastian………I also told him that at that very moment the bright blue sky held one white billowy cloud which blocked the sun and truly caused a silver lining with rays that spread out across the sky…………..

Please continue your thanks to our Almighty Lord and your prayers for His continuing hand of protection on this tiny babe.

Have faith in God, Jesus answered. I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, Go throw yourself into the sea, and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Forever I will be thankful to my merciful God for not allowing my doubt to prevent His miracles, for not allowing my lack of faith to nullify His faithfulness. Forever I will be thankful to Him for those prayer warriors who never doubted in their hearts the miracle of Sebastian.

Our little man continues to need your prayers. As he fights his addiction to fentanol by now being on morphine, as we watch his fretfulness and flailing arms and heart racing, as we know it is only God’s almighty hand that sustains and protects him, our hearts are continually humbled.

I left him just a little while ago. He tightly held my finger and looked at me from his little clear plastic house. I prayed with him and sang to him. I talked softly to him and loved him. Rob and Taylor are with him now. I am heading into sleep with his brother.

Please continue to pray thanking God and seeking His ongoing protections and blessings.

I do thank God for each of you, for your prayers, for your love, for your support.

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. Lamentation 3: 21-26

Today I was in Sebastian’s room and a lady was so quietly cleaning his room you might not notice her. I had been holding his little hand and singing to him through the port hole of his little house.

She and I spoke to one another and then we were both quiet. I am really not sure who spoke next but we exchanged words…her comments were sort of broken, but so very clear….

She looked at me and then at Sebastian. She said “he will be ok…the spirit…I say a prayer each room…… I mop the floors…not my job… I do it for the babies…”

I asked her name. She said Ethel. I told her I would pray for her.

I still have not told you about Frances. She took a seat by Mick, Luke and me last week on the completely empty hospital patio. We said hi to each other. She is a security guard here. Somehow we communicated that we are both Christians, that we love the Lord.

I told her a little about Sebastian. I did not need to tell her much. She seemed to know.

Her eyes were so deep. She looked into the distance, a look I do not think I will ever forget. She said, he will be all right. I see it……………

I asked why she sat by us when the patio was empty. She said the Lord told her to.

Luke and I have certain things we do at the hospital. It has been unbearably hot, so we have made up indoor activities. We go to the bear room. We go to the flower shop. We sit and look at fish in the aquarium in the waiting room.

Two fish actually came right over to me looking me in the eyes…they were so close to me even Luke chuckled…it was as if they were talking to me. They were angel fish. I think God really has a sense of humor. I named the fish Frances and Ethel.

I wanted to tell you all those things, but what I have to say next will make me cry so I saved it until last. It is hard to see the keyboard with tear filled eyes.



Yesterday they took Sebastian off the ventilator and just put a special pressure oxygen tube in his nose. That means nothing was down his throat.

I was the first to be in his room after the docs finished.

For the first time I saw and heard our tiny grandchild…..,our precious gift from the Lord ….I saw Sebastian open his beautiful tiny mouth and I heard him cry…………

They cried to You and were saved, in You they trusted and were not disappointed

Please continue to thank our most merciful Lord for all His blessings and protections.

Please pray for Sebastian’s temperature to become normal and for there to be no problems at all. Pray God’s angels of protection will continue to surround him and that he will be kept safe from Satan and danger and physical, emotional, mental and spiritual harm.

They took him off all antibiotics yesterday and we once more turn to our Lord to protect him.

Today the ultrasound technician who had gone through the entire pregnancy came by. We stood over Sebastian’s little “house’ and hugged and cried….for this tiny child, this awesome miracle of our Lord’s.

They cried to You and were saved; in You they trusted and were not disappointed.

August 1, 2006

“No, in all these thing we are more than conquerors through Him Who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8: 37-39

A bird is sitting on the window sill outside the little house Rob has rented across from the hospital where Sebastian sleeps. He looks in at me periodically and I out at him. We are not two feet apart but glass separates us. I am listening to music on my computer…Christ the Lord has risen today.
Liz is downstairs with Libby, as Taylor is with Luke. Jon and his little family are doing the last few things at their home they are moving from this afternoon. Rob is at work.
Today Liz went up with Taylor to Sebastian’s room at the NICU. I kept the two little people. We watched digger trucks from a hallway view out to the work sight. We then went to the bear room, a little area where stuffed animal gaze out of windows to little eyes returning the look.
Soon Liz came down with a light in her eyes…you must go up Mom.
Is she holding him, I asked? Yes, she said, she is holding him.
I hurried through the halls with tears filling my eyes.
There they were… a sight not my eyes nor my mind could not comprehend. Little Sebastian for the first time being held close to his Mommy’s breast…never such a look of peace had I seen on his face.
I returned to the chapel and thanked our Lord once more for what doc after doc said was impossible…..for the life of little Sebastian, for His leading and hand throughout all of this, for His angels, for the amazing and caring staff.
Mick told me yet today of another email he received in which a woman said her entire church is praying for Sebastian. Seems thousands must be praying for this Little One.
He has now had his first tube feeding-please pray all aspects of his digestive system function perfectly – that he digests and eliminates perfectly. Pray as docs plan to put casts on his legs for club feet that all goes perfectly. Please pray there will be no new complications and that Sebastian will continue to grow in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man
As you pray for God to continually protect Sebastian in all ways, please thank our most loving and Almighty God for all He has done and continues to do….for His love

Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8: 37-39

They cried to You and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed.